BECOMING MORE MYSELF AGAIN

Every once in a while I will try to give you an update on my depression here. Mostly I have been doing very well. I consider this year from August 2017 - August 2018 a year of healing. I am trying to give myself that much time to get healthier, but it sometimes seems like a slow road. As a veterinarian, I - as you can imagine - like to fix things.

I was on five medications for my depression and Claritin for my allergies. (I was on way more for my allergies, but Claritin and no cats seems to be the trick!)

Recently my physician's assistant allowed me to discontinue two medications, including trazodone, which I was taking to help me sleep.

I have been sleeping well for the past several months, and anymore, trazodone seemed to just be making me groggy and dull in the mornings. Now I feel sharp and more myself again. I am by no means a natural morning person, but I enjoy mornings and getting so much done at work so early. I still was getting things done and enjoying it, but it was sure a struggle. Now mornings are back to normal again and so much better.

So that's the latest. Otherwise things have just been steady, which has been nice.

My spring container garden!

DEPRESSION, AN UPDATE

Six months ago, I started writing about my depressive episode in which I was hospitalized.

Bill and Cara got me these beautiful plants while I was in the hospital. They are thriving in five gallon buckets!

I've been doing well since then. I visit the therapist once a month. I am on five (5!) medications to control my depression symptoms. And they do.

It is difficult sometimes for my clients to have their pets on several medications, not just because they are hard to keep track of, but also because so many medications can seem excessive. "Each one is important," I tell them. Now I get it. Each one is important. But it is all still a lot - a lot of medication and a lot to take in and understand.

I've had no more very, very dark days. Some grey days, but nothing like the heavy oppressive days I could not get out from under.

I have been able to enjoy life, but it's been tempered, even dulled. I'll take it. There is time for higher highs, probably when I can also handle the lower lows.

If one baby tomato plant and one baby pepper plant are good, ALL the plants are better!

I purposely chose gardening as my focus for this year. Luna Dog will probably die this year, and I will need something to balance the sadness. Something grounding (haha) and soothing. I chose gardening.

Luna says, "Geez! I'm not dead yet!"

I am well. I am good. I occasionally fear a tumble down the dark abyss that is overwhelming depression, but I don't dwell, I don't dread. And now I feel like I have the tools to come back if need be.

Life is good. It is good to feel more like me again.

My kalanchoe plants from Bill and Cara - doing well too!

THE FIRST WEEK HOME

This is part of a month long series on depression...
 

The first week home was one of the best weeks I can remember.

Abby and Amanda and I spent the last week of summer together.

Eleanor (our van) and I drove the girls and their friends all over Omaha.

Abby's friend Chloe handed me a bouquet of flowers the first time she got into the van that week. I held onto them till the very last daisy. I loved them so much.

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Post from one year ago today...

September 13, 2016

TWITTER, PART 8 OF 8 - KEEP TWEETING UNTIL IT MAKES SENSE

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Next month is a happier topic. I will post all of the pictures you send.