Maybe Becky will remember…it was perhaps…10? years ago that my veterinary technician friend told me she is an empath and so am I. She said that is why we work so well together, and that is why patients’ situations affect us so deeply.
At the time, I knew she was on to something but could only think, “Is ‘empath’ a word? I know “empathy,” it is the word I confuse with “sympathy” and has to do with feelings.
So here we are a decade later. Thank you Becky for starting me on this journey. It has been literally lifesaving. Here is what I have learned so far -
SYMPATHY - feeling something for someone.
EMPATHY - taking on someone’s feelings as if they are your own.
HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP) - one who empathizes with others more than average.
EMPATH - one who is on the extra sensitive end of being a highly sensitive person.
“Empaths, HSP’s, I know this is too much for you. You are absorbing the collective, nauseating worry. This is your superpower. You feel the pain of others. You are strong enough to handle this. You are.” -Kimberly Stover
For the past few years, I have been working on letting go of others’ emotions that I have absorbed.
Recently, I have had to up my self care game as I am now in a (wonderful) situation with roughly twice the caseload I have EVER had. I could see from the start that I would not last much longer in this field that I love if I continued to take on the emotions and illnesses and pain of every patient and client and team member as if they were my own. I needed to figure out how not to live and die with every case and situation.
Being all in comes naturally to me. If I have met you and your pet, I am all in and always will be. However, letting go of emotions that are ours to share then yours to own and work through does not come naturally to me at all. Dare I say I suck at this. It has not been an easy skill to learn at all, and I am still only just beginning.
I know well that you do not need me to try to take on all of your pain then crash and burn and not be there for you the next time you need me. You need me to be there with you and for you, and then to let go. Not to stop caring, not to become unavailable, but not to try to walk through something for you that you need to walk through yourself. The next family and pet need this too. My family needs this. I need this.
“A lot of pain you’re carrying isn’t even yours to carry. You’ve picked up other people’s pain along your journey. If you’re an empathic soul, bless you, but you still need boundaries. Lighten your load by being able to know what belongs to you and what doesn’t.” -Nathan Allen Pirtle
As I continue to work on improving in this area, let me declare myself the opposite of an expert and just say that here are two resources I have recently found to be very helpful -
The fun one - Thera-pets - a set of cards with super cute pictures and self care reminders by artist Kate Allen (@tlkateart on Twitter).
The serious one - The Empath’s Survival Guide, Life Strategies for Sensitive People by Judith Orloff, MD (@JudithOrloffMD on Twitter).
Friends and family who are tougher than me, I cannot tell you how often your strength and wise perspectives have gotten me through. Sometimes I need someone to remind me that this too shall pass…or to eat a sandwich…or take a nap…or step back and take a breath. Thank you.
Friends who are also highly sensitive people and empaths, within and beyond the veterinary field, let’s lean on others around us with different ways of processing and also keep encouraging one another. I know that our biggest struggle may also be our greatest strength. I just have not figured all of it out yet. We’ve got this…or we will. Our wellbeing and very lives depend on it.
I feel as though we are closer to the answers than we may think. And for what it’s worth, I can always trust my feelings.
